[Silco really is smart for shooting his shot here right in this moment. The clever fingers combing through his dark hair, gently rubbing the delicate skin on the back off his neck invite him to fully relax against the bigger body behind him, letting his guard down. It's enough to let the question sneak past his defenses without misstepping on any of his triggers.
'What brought this on-', a hazy question begins to form in his mind but then Silco drops the real bomb. The words feel like a sudden splash of icy water right into his face, waking him up to the reality from the arm bubble of safety. There is a subtle change to his body language, though Silco will no doubt feel it. He shifts on the tub, tension creeping up to his shoulders as his chest tightens. He is all of the sudden very aware of the beating of his heart within its cage.
Richard straightens his back and draws his knees closer to his chest, unknowingly withdrawing back to himself. He swallows air, and turns his head to look past his shoulder at the older man, perplexity apparent in his eyes.]
[Silco was intelligent enough and knew Richard well enough to understand he had to disarm his lover first before popping these kinds of questions. Of course, he had mostly been debating rather than considering putting in action, though if Richard was amenable, it would rise on his list of priorities to accomplish in the city.
He was keenly aware of every change in Richard, feeling how his lover curled, withdrew from him. The tension under his fingers was noted as well, and he continued to stroke the back of his lover's neck regardless. If anything, he splayed his hand to stroke his palm down between Richard's shoulder blades to urge his lover to relax.
He met Richard's eyes, making a point not to shift any of his body language. He still lounged as he had been in the tub, though he rolled his eyes at the question.]
Even if she did, this suggestion is purely for us made by me. Those two months we cohabitated were... [He trailed off, struggling to pick the right word. He hadn't cohabited with anyone like that in a long time.] ...let's say, satisfying. I would entertain us trying it again if you were amenable to the idea.
Satisfying.. [Richard repeats the word, brows knitting in a small frown before he turned his gaze back to the water. It's not that he disagrees with the sentiment, or that he isn't amenable to the idea of trying it again. Those months that he had spend with Silco had been pleasant, to put it mildly. There had been calmness and quiet, something that not even Joan or her minions dared to interrupt. And there was no denying that it was only after the split that his emotions had been thrown off the balance.
So, it wasn't that Richard did not want to return to the state of coexisting and being together. But he could not help but think the conversation he and Jinx shared not too long ago. She had tried to pressure him to make his move, trying to grasp for something that wasn't there. 'Take care of him when I'm out of his life.']
She is leaving you, isn't she? [His light was slipping past his fingers, leaving him behind in the darkness. Richard knew just how desperate that could make someone.] Are you looking to fill that void?
[It was the wrong word, he recognized. It didn't betray the true depth of the comfort and attachment he had developed with Richard, and even now, he allowed himself to be strategically blind to the foothold the younger man had in his life. Still, he valued Richard's company, their unique conversations, the camaraderie that came with a similar dark soul as his own, and the ambition that was as tantalizing as it was dangerous.
And he had to ask himself the lengths that he might engage in to convince the younger man to entertain the idea. That his daughter was already a wedge in this conversation was unexpected, leading him to believe that there might have been some kind of encounter between the two that he wasn't aware of. Not situational physically as he would know about that, so when? Where? What circumstances if it did occur?
It was his turn to grow tense at the tide of the conversation shifted, confirming to him the existence of some interaction. His fingers paused on the back of Richard's neck and his lounging leg returned to the water to press into the corner of the tub they were sharing. In a moments notice, he could sit up which was a precursor to standing.]
She has found company she wishes to invest time and energy into that I don't approve of. [And short of locking the boy in a cellar and tortured, Silco couldn't prevent this from happening. The usual manner of killing someone wasn't an option.] Is that what you consider yourself to me? Filler?
[The water moves as Silco changes his position, the small and warm waves lapping against their bodies. Richard lowered his injured hand into the water, forms a small cup with his palm and raises it back to the surface. He watches the water to spill through his fingers and slide along his forearm back to the tub.
And just like that, the nice and relaxed atmosphere between is gone. The bubble of comfort is popped and everything is raw again as they are standing around the hushed topic. Jinx had contacted him, yes, she had made it very clear that whatever he was doing was wrong and that he ought to just conform to her idea of romance. That he should be prepared to repair whatever damage she was going to leave behind.
But it was not just because of her words that had tainted the mood. Silco, too, kept mentioning her going away and using it as a reason for them to enter their previous domestic state. But then again, hadn't that been the same last time, too?]
[Silco's mismatched eyes followed the motion of Richard's hand, the flow of the water as it slid back to join the rest into the tub they were laying in. The arm he had previously been allowing to rest on the curbed edge of the tub finally lifted so that he could close his blue eye at the same time as pinching the bridge of his nose.
He sighed audibly as he calmed himself again, aware it wouldn't help this situation which had shifted from peaceful relaxation to a tense wasteland where neither one of them knew exactly where the landmines happen to be. They would navigate them still; he and Richard generally had a knack for doing so with one another and he doubted this situation was much different.
It simply required careful verbal footwork to reach the same end which should have been less complicated. He cared so deeply for his daughter, but sometimes, he just needed her to stop butting into his personal life. The boy was supposed to be distracting her, and yet, hadn't his own reaction to her pulling away potentially precipitated this?]
You are my lover. As you have been for many months. My opinion on that matter has not changed.
[Richard inhales deep through his nose, his shoulders briefly raising up and then slugging forward as he exhaled. There it was. The word lover that spoke volumes and yet was quiet like a whisper.
They were lovers, yes. But to what end? Their relationship had a long time ago moved past just from physical intimacy. They enjoyed from each other's company outside of sex and there was the undeniable emotional connection. All of that was true. But still the question of what and why still stood.
Richard withdrew away from his lover so that their bodies were no longer touching. He turned to take another look at the older man.]
That's right. [His voice is distant despite the words of agreement. And with that he pushed himself up from the tub, swung his leg over the edge and stepped out of the water, and began to head towards the wall where the towels were hanged on a hook.]
[For him, for Zaun, lovers was a broad scoped word that was more than sex. It was an attachment; it was a relationship type; it was... so much more than simply the physical. This attachment was dangerous, always had been, and yet he wasn't willing to relinquish it.
Even as Richard shifted and moved in the bathtub, vacating the water and leaving him in it alone, it felt similar to a sting. Yet, there was peace in water, a clarity provided to him that would set a path for the rest of his life. Richard wasn't his enemy though, and this wasn't the polluted waters of the Pilt.
Yet, watching Richard move to the towels, he contemplated his next move. He could rise and follow, or he could allow his lover to simply leave him here. He slowly shifted his leg back out of the water to dangle as it had been before, and he made a point of lifting his arm to fold it behind his head.]
What would you like to call us, Richard? What word in your world describes our association? [There was a few seconds of silence as he watched Richard's movements.] Come back to the water. We were previously have a relaxing time.
[With his back turned against to the other man Richard stops in front of the towels and reaches out to touch the soft fabric. His wet fingers rubbed against the white cloth, drying them a bit as the excess water kept dropping from his dark hair strands. He was, once again, feeling the strange frustration raising within him. Something that he did not understand the origins of or what to do with it. The solution to withdraw away to his own mind and go quiet, as he had done in the past when he found himself confused or uncertain, would be so easy to take.
Like a pathetic resigned excuse of man. But he was not that person anymore. No, he had sworn to himself that he'd move past the husk of his former self.
So, Richard turned around to look at his lover who was still lounging in the bath, seemingly relaxed despite the tense and oppressive air in the room. Something that irritated him a little.]
Your daughter left and you called me. She returns and you rush to her side. But now that she is going to leave you again, you're calling me back. [So no, the word 'lover' wasn't the issue but the definition of it. It was both very inclusive yet exclusive at the same time.] I am not mad nor do I expect to be first in your thoughts. [Not anymore, at least. He might want it but he knows better than to expect a happy ending. His current standing ought to be more than enough for a demon like him.]
Tell me, Silco. What is a lover to you if not a 'filler '? A distraction to fill the idle and hateful days of peace?
[Despite remaining in the bath water, Silco was studying his lover where Richard continued to stand by the towels. It was a statement of their comfort with one another that Richard willingly stood in the nude in the relative openness of the bathroom without the urge to cover. That was an accomplishment as far as he was concerned, though the look on the younger man's face told him that this conversation had only begun.
There was a doubt that Richard would return to the bath as requested. The urge to rise and stand grew, but he stamped it down for the moment.
He raised his eyebrow at the timeline of his activities laid out before him without an ounce of remorse for it. Jinx was his priority. He had made that clear on numerous occasions. Yet, he could see that whatever Jinx had conversed with Richard was weighing on the situation even if the examples were more about his actions than hers.]
And have I not also come to your side when you have called me? Have I neglected you when you have told me of your needs? [He liked to believe that he hadn't, that he made himself available and present when Richard needed him. Yet, a small portion caught his attention.] Do you wish to be first on my thoughts?
[He hummed at the question, and Richard was one of two people in Aldrip who he would allow to speak to him in such a manner. He lifted a foot from the bath water and watched the water drip from his heel.]
You are not filler. A lover is someone who I feel comfortable sharing my secrets, my bed, and my time with. [He gritted his teeth.] You are an excellent distraction, and you are about the only one to have me putting down my work consistently upon your arrival. Or I will put down my work to come spend time with.
[Look, that was a massive statement coming from someone who was a workaholic by nature.]
[Returning to the bathtub was truly tempting. The air in the open felt cool against Richard skin, making it to raise goosebumps around his arms, compared to the inviting warm steam surrounding the tub.]
Aye, you have. [He does not rebuke nor deny Silco's words. The man had been there for him numerous times by now, standing by his side while also blowing the life back to the embers suffocating under the weight of the charred logs. The man had filled him with confidence and helped him to gain sight of the vision he once had. All acts that he was grateful for and what made him want to bind himself to the other man more.
Richard missed the time with Silco. The idea of them returning back to that was pleasant one. Something that he wanted. Except if it wasn't for...
Richard walked back to the tub, but instead of stepping back in the water he set himself to sit on the porcelain edge.]
A distraction, then. [He repeats, accepting the word. Honestly, to him it was just the same as the 'filler' as it formed similar meaning. No matter how 'pleasant' he and his company might be he will always serve as nothing but a distraction from something, a temptation. Like Jane and the other lovers had been to Edward. Fine, it's something Richard can work with. ]
Your daughter contacted me not too long ago. She told me she was planning on leaving you and asked me to 'take care of you.' [Something that he had denied to do. Oh, there is no doubt that Richard would stand by Silco's side when the man would spiral back into depths of despair once again. But he wouldn't do it for her.]
If you truly want us to share the closeness and the living spaces again then don't request it because of her. She disapproves of your lover and you disapprove hers and so does the wheel spin around and around. But that's a game I am not going to take part to, for I am not a pawn for either of you. If I am not a filler then don't make this about her.
[Silco was expecting to wait Richard out here in the bath, the conversation and the cooler air encouraging his lover to return to him. This was Richard's idea in the first place, and he had only allowed himself to do this because he thought it would make his lover happy.
He nodded his head slowly at the affirmation. There were very few people that he would drop everything for and Richard happened to be one of them. What they had, what they shared and especially Richard himself had become important to him, something worth personal attention especially when the need arose. And in turn, he found his own needs to be met.
He watched the younger man return, his hand lifting from the bath water to stroke his fingers lightly down Richard's back.] My distraction. [He would have gone on, waxed monologues of how Richard wasn't such a simple singular word, but the younger man took that moment to drop a bombshell on him.
He froze in the bath, his fingers jerking where they stroked Richard's skin, and it took every ounce of self-control to not rise from the bath. Tension stiffened his entire body and his eyes were fixed and staring as unpleasant thoughts rolled through him, fear and panic clawing its way up his throat.
Jinx leaving him? No, no, no that couldn't be right. He had made it clear she was to stay with him, that he needed her always. Certainly she had made overtures before, all of them he squished as soon as he became aware of them. She couldn't leave. She was his daughter, his last perfection of Zaun, the chaotic entity that was both headache and hazard.
Suddenly he sat forward in the bath, drawing his knees up so he could rest one elbow on one and stroke the left side of his face with his fingertips. His breathing was harsh to his own ears as thoughts and plans and strategies whirled through his mind, some discarded, some falling into place.] How long ago did she contact you? Was it in person or the network? If network, was it verbally or through text?
[The nuance could be missing if it was text. No, Jinx had developed the similar habit from him about monologues and no doubt there was some theatrics in whatever she said to Richard. He could fix this. He would fix this. He simply needed more information.
In his suddenly shifted attention, he made a noise to acknowledge Richard's comment, ignoring the whole disapproval part. That didn't matter, not now in such a critical time.] Please, I'm far too affectionate with you for any of this to be a game for me. You and I are basically life partners. [He waved off the insinuation of filler with a hand.]
[His skin feels ticklish under Silco's wet fingers, the slow stroke sends a light shivers along his spine. Richard had to resist the urge to squirm as the warm water tickled down along his narrow back. He kept his eyes looking down at his lover in the tub with soft gaze. There was an air of an affection around them, something that could easily grow and wrap them back into the domestic embrace that they had been indulging in just a moment ago.
But he was not about to allow that to them, not with his last comment about the exchange he and Jinx had. Then again, he figured that it would do best to rip the band-aid off now. They might hold both fondness and devotion to some degree towards one another, and they were both committed to seeing this affair through. But it didn't mean that there weren't thorns scattered around their path - and Richard needed to see whether the other man's daughter was one of them.
So, he watched as the obvious panic grows to Silco's posture, pushing through the surface. He allowed the man to have his moment and fight for control over again before answering to his inquiries.] It was over the network. [Which was perhaps pretty obvious.
And he was just about to push the topic and challenge Silco further, but then it was his lover's turn to drop a bomb on him. ´You and I are basically life partners.´ The words, that seemingly slipped ever so carefully from the older man's tongue as if they were given, felt like a punch straight to his gut. All of the sudden he felt almost lightheaded as the color briefly left his body before shooting right up to his face. His cheeks turned dark crimson, framing his nearly bewildered eyes.
Richard opens his mouth to say something, but the words fails him -- staying stuck to his throat and choking him. Swallowing air, he takes a deep breath and sits up from the edge of tub. However, instead of leaving he lifts his right leg over the porcelain and steps back into the water. But this time he remains facing Silco as he settles back on the tub, placing cheek against the older man's collar bone.]
[Over the network? He was normally excellent about keeping up with network conversations, especially those of his associates and daughter. He had been distracted with formulating plans for the city that he must have overlooked this particular conversation. Would he have stepped in? Unlikely. Mediation was hardly his strong suit unless he was looking to be the winner of such negotiation and in this case, he needed both of them to either tolerate each other or avoid each other. He would be fine with either.
However, Jinx leaving remained an unacceptable prospect, and if he wasn't still in the bath water, he would immediately contact his daughter to confirm the facts. He also needed to find and read that network interaction to gauge her seriousness, assuming that it was public all the way through. It would give him a good sense of how the conversation had gone.
Silco shifted in the bath when Richard straightened and turned, finally returning to the water. He was forced out of his rapid thoughts, experiencing a flare of annoyance that his lover had decided to pull him from his reverie when he was so close to formulating an idea of his timeline. He nearly snapped.
Instead, he said nothing as his eyes found the flushed redness of Richard's face dramatic. Slowly, he lowered his legs again as his lover slid into the bath water with him again, and he parted the circle of his arms to admit Richard to settle back against him. One hand lifted a card through the younger man's lengthened hair, momentarily confused by the softened reaction when things had appeared to be heating up between them.
He shifted, forcing himself to relax even if his energy remained high, causing tension across his frame. However, he did lift one leg to curl it over Richard's.]
Of course. If the prospect of us being seen as closer than 'roommates' or however the Chosen may see the move bothers you, we can remain separate. The choice remains yours. It was an offer, nothing more, nothing less.
[Well, for better and worse, Richard wasn't exactly the most intelligent when it came to emotional intimacy like this. He could feel the stiffness in the man's frame but didn't think much of it as he leaned his own lithe body against him. Richard closed his eyes and took a deep breath when Silco enclosed him back into his embrace, the water once again inviting him to calm down.
It seem that both of them had just dropped a revelation on one another. Richard with his mention of Jinx, Silco with his insight about the state of their relationship. Both done with carelessness and calculation.
His chest continued to ache. A dull and old injury was being poked and prodded, as if to see how much could the fragile fabric take before tearing open again. His heart was beating loudly like it was trying to escape from its confided cage. But Richard kept his panic at arms length, not giving it a chance to rise to the surface. Instead he focused on the arms around his body, the fingers in his hair and the breath tickling his ear. The small things that kept him grounded in the moment and preventing his mind wandering off to the woods.
Strangely enough, Richard hadn't even taken others into consideration here. In fact, he had nearly forgotten that others existed until Silco had brought the outside world up. And yes, it did feel like the familiar stone pressing his mind once again. But perhaps for the first time it didn't seem like unmoveable obstacle. Just another thorn that he could cut down -- together with Silco.
He stays there, allowing them to indulge in the moment before bursting their bubble once again. Despite the stormy and rough relationship that he shared with Jinx, Richard had always tried not to get between the father and daughter. To him such bond was precious and he did want to disturb it. But there was an elephant in the room that they needed to address if he truly was to consider Silco's offer.]
Then you must choose. [He says after a brief pause of silence. His voice is soft and quiet, words spoken against Silco's chest.] If you wish us to be partners.. And for me to give the half of me to you so that we might stand as equals, as monsters together. Then you must choose which one do you wish to see sit on the seat of the power next to you. Me or Jinx.
[There had not been any reason for them to play pretend that they were not both after power and control. They had already admitted as much to each other in the past. They could make the play for it together -- just like he and Buckingham once had -- but that was only possible if there were two of them. As long as Jinx was involved they were doomed to clash and burn each other to the ground.]
I would share this world with you. But not with her.
[He forced himself to relax after they fell to a silence, though he was aware that both of them where experiencing separate intense thoughts. His remained on Jinx and the revelation that she was considering leaving him; if it was just that comment, he would think little about it, but there had been other indications that she had continually considered it an option. Since she had returned, she had been different and no longer fit in the roles that he had for her.
Of course, Richard had challenged him now and again when it came to Jinx, about his life goals of if she refused his legacy, of if she decided a path well away from the circle of his schemes. He'd considered it, but not entirely seriously. After all, Jinx would see reason, so his way was the best for her.
His blue eye slowly opened again when he heard the start of the ultimatum from his lover, and he stifled the urge to rebut immediately that there was no choice. He had given up the current dream of Zaun for his daughter; did Richard dream in any world that he would give up Jinx for anyone? Surely not.
Partners? It was jarring, and yet his mind returned to the topics before Richard re-entered the bath water. Basically life partners... He winced slightly as he recalled his own distracted dismissive words; that had been strategically careless of him. He may not have flagrantly said such words under different circumstances, but they were now out in the world and resulting in an ultimatum.
More than that, it was resulting in a commitment that neither he nor Richard had discussed in any measure of seriousness before. The idea of them being equals was a silent war on his behalf, assured on certain occasion despite the disparity in their apparently station. Silco had always been sensitive, overreacting to the insinuation he was less than, and even now, it was a sore subject he nursed each day.
He shifted under Richard's weight, seemingly trapped in the bathtub now, forced to endure the whiplash of one paramount panic with his daughter to considering the ultimatum laid at his feet by Richard.
It plucked at a truth he knew but wasn't normally willing to entertain. Jinx had no interest in power; her play for it with the Inx club was paltry and uncoordinated and she'd seemingly lost interest in it as he knew she would. Meanwhile Richard was slowly and meticulously gathered power as he would have, more aligned with his own schemes. It had been clear that their ambition would come into conflict eventually, and he had been planning for that inevitability.
Yet, uniting them? It would avoid conflict, but it may require the kind of trust that had landed him with half of his face rotting off and nearly losing his eye. He twitched with the memory, fingers tightening in Richard's hair as he breathed from his nose harshly.]
Are you asking me to choose you over my daughter? [His tone was cold and cutting, yet he didn't try to move under Richard. It meant he was thinking about it.] You will share this place with her regardless of our association, Richard. She is a part of it, and she will also always be a strong part of my life.
[He leaned his head back against the tiled wall.] Unless this ultimatum is... just us. We knitting our lives together into formality and shared ambition.
[It was impossible to miss the effect that his words had on the other man. Richard could feel the way how Silco's body tensed under him, muscles tightening like a bow string along with his pulse quickening. Like there was something raw and primal inside the man that was found his proposition repulsive and wanted to fight against it. A beast trying to cover and protect an old open wound, no doubt. They both carried such marks in their soul.
His ultimatum might have been a bit too much, Richard realizes. Especially since it was followed after the words about Jinx's plans for departure, which alone should be enough to send the man spiraling in the despair. But at the same time, Richard did not care to give his lover any more reprieve. Silco had indeed put the words out there, making them hang upon their neck. And he wasn't about to let them go ignored, no. He'd force the other man to claim them.
When he noticed Silco leaning his head back against the tile wall Richard moved. He pushed himself up to sit on his knees and reached out to grab his lovers face from both sides, forcing an eye contact.] She will always be your daughter. I am not taking that away from you. ['Like a daughter like a father ', Richard thinks to himself. Both assuming that it is either all or nothing and that he is trying to destroy what they share. While it was in fact Silco's role and performance as a father that had first earned him respect in Richard's mind. He would not disturb that bond.]
But it is like you've said. Your daughter has changed and she is no longer parading around as a future leader, no. It seems like her passions lead her elsewhere. However, it might not be too late. You can still gamble and chase that dream you had with her of your empire of dust. She might not be out of your reach just yet. I will be mere a 'distraction' in your life. If that's what your heart desires.
Or you will place your wager on me. I'll be your partner who will carry the weight of our shared ambition together with you. Someone to share your victories and troubles with, a sword and an ally. An equal, not a distraction.
[His eyes were forced from staring at the ceiling to his lover as Richard intended with those hands on his face. Instinctively, he curled his upper lip in a faint snarl, though this was not the first nor would it be the last time Richard mandhandled him. No, in defiance and to seize some control of the situation back, his lifted a hand to settle it on his lover's hip as if Richard needed to be steadied while leaning over him.]
No, you will not. [He would sooner burn everything that they had and were to the ground than actually lose Jinx. In an ultimatum like that, Richard would lose. There was no question in his mind, and even if Jinx eventually did abandon him, he would fight tooth and nail to retrieve her. It would be his entire focus.
But that wasn't the ultimatum. He remained tense as he listened to the proposition, fingers tightened under the water into a fist. She was flitted off for that boy, but also, she was flighty and skittish. Since she had returned, she seemed on the verge of slipping away as if he or anyone else wouldn't notice her absence. Inx had fallen by the wayside, and regardless of her touting herself as the Queen of Zaun, Silco knew the truth. It was a moniker, a title with no weight, least of all here. Jinx's actions could change the course of the entire city, yet it was wild and free, random and chaotic, action and reaction. It took a strong hand to build within it, to use the stirred up mess to the advantage of them and their people.
He stared at Richard, lifting his hand from the the younger man's hip so that he could use a finger to push back the ruff of bangs and tuck it behind Richard's ear. Then his hand dropped so he could wrap his fingers around that burn scarred arm, sliding his hand down the mottled smooth and roughened flesh. Their heterochromia and scars had attracted them to one another, but it had been something deeper too. Richard was ambitious, intelligent and strategic. Richard was a threat in a similar way that Silco was a threat.
They could achieve considerable together. They could elevate and harm each other in equal terrible depths. It frightened him because he had been there before, the rebirth at the Pilt, and he considered himself smarter and on the look out for such dangers again. The isolation had kept him separate for many years, trusting a select few. Yet Richard had slipped in beyond his guard, settled in a spot that had been vacant for all those years, and as much as he would like to deny it, he knew.
Life partners. Ambitious partners. This was not where he had intended this lounging in the bath to travel. Yet here they were on the cusp of an ultimatum, and he was not so easily lulled into the sweetness of Richard's words. No, he looked at it shrewdly while trying - and failing - to not examine his own fear and anger and desires and care for the younger man.
His jaw worked under Richard's hands, eyes studying the younger man even as his fingers stroked their way back up his lover's scarred arm.]
You understand what you are offering, don't you? That we will be united in all things: our lives, our emotions, our ambition. This is a path we cannot and will not deviate from each other unless it is in betrayal and death. You will be mine, and I will be yours. Is that what you want?
[Why was his heart beating so quickly? Why was a flush rising in his face? Why was there a lump in his throat?]
[His tactic is demanding and intrusive and Richard is aware of it. While his hold on Silco's face is not necessarily a strong one but it is a firm enough to keep the other man still and from turning his head away. He forced the focus onto himself, on the moment they were having. Richard refused to be brushed aside in favor of Jinx or any other mundane topic that was at the hand.
The resistance was, of course, to be expected. Silco had never reacted well when he subjugated like this, no matter how casual or subtle the gesture was. So, Richard watched as the struggle of emotions to dance on his lovers features as he schooled down his initial aggression. His own expression adamant and intense as the water drops dripped down along his dark hair on his lover's face.
He could feel the other man's pulse quicken under his fingers as Silco picks apart the ultimatum, dissecting the meaning behind the words that Richard had laid between them.] A pact that is more severe and deeper than one of a marriage. Bond built upon our shared goal and unholy desires.
[It was not the first time that Richard had entered into such relationship. Except, this time it was him initiating it and drawing it out of his partner. Not the other way around.] Do you desire this, Silco? Do you desire me. If so, speak your mind. There will not be second time.
[This was a strange and uncomfortable ultimatum to consider. Normally, it was he who dictated the terms of most relationships and also any contract that he happened to enter into. He took risks as necessary and for the benefit of his goals, and while he received personal gain from them, it was only to turn it back around to aim towards the independence of Zaun. Even here, his moves were for control to dictate the terms of the city and its effects on him and his.
However, this was deeply personal. The intensity of Richard's gaze boring into his own made it clear that this was a precipice that both of them were standing upon. The slow drip, drip of water on his face punctuated the severity of the pact that Richard had placed in front of him where the final decision seemed to rest with him. Richard was all-in, was he?
Silco had never believed much in marriage. It happened but most in Zaun couldn't afford it. Pacts and monogamy were the closest that partners entered into. He stared at his lover's mismatched eyes, studying Richard's expression.] And you can't enter into marriage as you are already engaged in one from back home. [No wonder they had to create something new, something potent.
He took his time mulling it over, considering the implications, the impacts. Their relationship would not be exposed, oh no, if anything, it would remain with Jinx and her alone. Depending on the moves that they made, they could be accused of business associates. He considered how Jinx and Richard would respond to each other and even what he wanted.
His fingers nudged back more of Richard's hair so it stopped dripping on his face. He tucked it lightly behind his partner's ear, still pondering. He would not be rushed into this decision.] I desire you. I would kill for you, and you are one of the few that I offer such an action personally. [Jinx being the only other.] I will accept your ultimatum, Richard, and all the risks and profits that will come from it.
[Uncharacteristically, he surged forward to lock their lips together hard, his fingers sliding into Richard's hair to grip the locks and hold his lover's head still. He bit the other man's lip hard enough to bleed, sealing their pact in blood.]
[It really is unusual situation. One that Richard didn't ever think of finding himself -- let alone twice. Intimacy, affection, connection. Those were all things that Richard had closed off from his life, believing himself to be outside of such human. Even further so after how things went with Henry. The idea of love turned into bitter toxic in his mouth, slowly yet surely killing him from the within.
But then there had been Buckingham. The first person to ever see who he truly was and accepted him. The younger man had held him and showed him a whole new world, binding their bodies and fates together. What he and his kingmaker shared... It did resemble love. Or so Richard thought. But whether it was real or just a foolish dream? He did not know.
And now he was here with Silco. The man who had, just like his young kingmaker, seen who he was with that brilliant eye of his and recognized him as kin of sorts. And now they were about to begin a new chapter together, sharing their bodies and ambitions together. Now, was it love that surrounded them and made them to take this step together? Again, Richard didn't know for sure. Back in church he had came to conclusion that Silco would never harbor such sentiment towards him. But now? He wasn't so sure. Not that it mattered.
'I desire you.' Those words pierced through his skin, forcing through his ribcage and muscles, spreading to his veins and mixing into his blood and filling him up with warmth. Even if it's not love -- it sure did remind him of one.
He does not hold back when Silco craned his neck up to capture his lips with his own. Instead he leans forward down to meet his lover -- no, his partner in the kiss. He sighed deeply when he felt the teeth sink in the soft flesh of his lower lip and draws blood. Richard parted his lips further and forced his tongue past those jagged teeth, diving deep inside Silco's mouth to make sure that the older man would be able to taste his blood.
Then, after a quick moment, he pulls away just enough that he could utter the words against the man's lips.]
In that dream I saw you on the bridge holding a flame in your hands. I've seen your hot white anger to pierce another man like the blade itself. I have seen your sorrow and pain. [The smooth fingers run along the blackened, scarred skin.] And I have seen your care and affection. I accept and want all the parts of you, Silco. Even those that you do not know or see for yourself.
[A cautious man had sworn off of such dangers, of forming connections, of letting someone so close. He was deeply wounded even now, regardless of all those monologues and biting commentary of his own rebirth, of becoming what everyone feared, of never allowing anyone so close to him that he might suffer a similar fate.
Yet, he had. History had repeated itself on its tilted axis. It always did.
The multiples of betrayals layered over each other, building up to the man that he was now. From his parents to the orphanage to the gang to the mines to Vander to the Chem-Barons to Jinx. He had needed all of them to rise and fall in equal parts, and now he was back on the same path that he swore off of. The desire for connection and understanding was not one that he could kick as easily as he liked to believe, and the previous deep lonely anger had choked him until he spat it up and now... Richard slotted into that deep black empty hole and filled it.
And Silco allowed it. He shouldn't. He knew how this would end, but he was willing to overlook the inevitability.
The kiss was like a promise between them, a pact for the path that they had chosen to walk together. He tasted blood, let it coat his lips, let Richard's tongue beyond the threshold of his lips and a soft sighing moan escaped him in response. It was done; the deal was struck, the commitment made. Betrayal was down the line for them, but perhaps they could stave it off for a bit of time.
He kissed Richard's lips between sentences, just a peck, just a small interruption that did not disrupt the monologue. He appreciated the stroking of his ego, feeling seen and heard and accepted even momentarily.]
I see you, Richard. I will elevate you, support you and let no one bring you down. [The corner of his lip twitched upwards.] Your enemies will be my enemies. Your goals will be mine. This place will be our kingdom.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
traumaticus) wrote2022-08-15 11:44 pm
no subject
'What brought this on-', a hazy question begins to form in his mind but then Silco drops the real bomb. The words feel like a sudden splash of icy water right into his face, waking him up to the reality from the arm bubble of safety. There is a subtle change to his body language, though Silco will no doubt feel it. He shifts on the tub, tension creeping up to his shoulders as his chest tightens. He is all of the sudden very aware of the beating of his heart within its cage.
Richard straightens his back and draws his knees closer to his chest, unknowingly withdrawing back to himself. He swallows air, and turns his head to look past his shoulder at the older man, perplexity apparent in his eyes.]
..Did your daughter put you up to this?
no subject
He was keenly aware of every change in Richard, feeling how his lover curled, withdrew from him. The tension under his fingers was noted as well, and he continued to stroke the back of his lover's neck regardless. If anything, he splayed his hand to stroke his palm down between Richard's shoulder blades to urge his lover to relax.
He met Richard's eyes, making a point not to shift any of his body language. He still lounged as he had been in the tub, though he rolled his eyes at the question.]
Even if she did, this suggestion is purely for us made by me. Those two months we cohabitated were... [He trailed off, struggling to pick the right word. He hadn't cohabited with anyone like that in a long time.] ...let's say, satisfying. I would entertain us trying it again if you were amenable to the idea.
no subject
So, it wasn't that Richard did not want to return to the state of coexisting and being together. But he could not help but think the conversation he and Jinx shared not too long ago. She had tried to pressure him to make his move, trying to grasp for something that wasn't there. 'Take care of him when I'm out of his life.']
She is leaving you, isn't she? [His light was slipping past his fingers, leaving him behind in the darkness. Richard knew just how desperate that could make someone.] Are you looking to fill that void?
no subject
And he had to ask himself the lengths that he might engage in to convince the younger man to entertain the idea. That his daughter was already a wedge in this conversation was unexpected, leading him to believe that there might have been some kind of encounter between the two that he wasn't aware of. Not situational physically as he would know about that, so when? Where? What circumstances if it did occur?
It was his turn to grow tense at the tide of the conversation shifted, confirming to him the existence of some interaction. His fingers paused on the back of Richard's neck and his lounging leg returned to the water to press into the corner of the tub they were sharing. In a moments notice, he could sit up which was a precursor to standing.]
She has found company she wishes to invest time and energy into that I don't approve of. [And short of locking the boy in a cellar and tortured, Silco couldn't prevent this from happening. The usual manner of killing someone wasn't an option.] Is that what you consider yourself to me? Filler?
no subject
And just like that, the nice and relaxed atmosphere between is gone. The bubble of comfort is popped and everything is raw again as they are standing around the hushed topic. Jinx had contacted him, yes, she had made it very clear that whatever he was doing was wrong and that he ought to just conform to her idea of romance. That he should be prepared to repair whatever damage she was going to leave behind.
But it was not just because of her words that had tainted the mood. Silco, too, kept mentioning her going away and using it as a reason for them to enter their previous domestic state. But then again, hadn't that been the same last time, too?]
What am I, then?
no subject
He sighed audibly as he calmed himself again, aware it wouldn't help this situation which had shifted from peaceful relaxation to a tense wasteland where neither one of them knew exactly where the landmines happen to be. They would navigate them still; he and Richard generally had a knack for doing so with one another and he doubted this situation was much different.
It simply required careful verbal footwork to reach the same end which should have been less complicated. He cared so deeply for his daughter, but sometimes, he just needed her to stop butting into his personal life. The boy was supposed to be distracting her, and yet, hadn't his own reaction to her pulling away potentially precipitated this?]
You are my lover. As you have been for many months. My opinion on that matter has not changed.
no subject
They were lovers, yes. But to what end? Their relationship had a long time ago moved past just from physical intimacy. They enjoyed from each other's company outside of sex and there was the undeniable emotional connection. All of that was true. But still the question of what and why still stood.
Richard withdrew away from his lover so that their bodies were no longer touching. He turned to take another look at the older man.]
That's right. [His voice is distant despite the words of agreement. And with that he pushed himself up from the tub, swung his leg over the edge and stepped out of the water, and began to head towards the wall where the towels were hanged on a hook.]
What kind of house you are thinking of?
no subject
Even as Richard shifted and moved in the bathtub, vacating the water and leaving him in it alone, it felt similar to a sting. Yet, there was peace in water, a clarity provided to him that would set a path for the rest of his life. Richard wasn't his enemy though, and this wasn't the polluted waters of the Pilt.
Yet, watching Richard move to the towels, he contemplated his next move. He could rise and follow, or he could allow his lover to simply leave him here. He slowly shifted his leg back out of the water to dangle as it had been before, and he made a point of lifting his arm to fold it behind his head.]
What would you like to call us, Richard? What word in your world describes our association? [There was a few seconds of silence as he watched Richard's movements.] Come back to the water. We were previously have a relaxing time.
no subject
Like a pathetic resigned excuse of man. But he was not that person anymore. No, he had sworn to himself that he'd move past the husk of his former self.
So, Richard turned around to look at his lover who was still lounging in the bath, seemingly relaxed despite the tense and oppressive air in the room. Something that irritated him a little.]
Your daughter left and you called me. She returns and you rush to her side. But now that she is going to leave you again, you're calling me back. [So no, the word 'lover' wasn't the issue but the definition of it. It was both very inclusive yet exclusive at the same time.] I am not mad nor do I expect to be first in your thoughts. [Not anymore, at least. He might want it but he knows better than to expect a happy ending. His current standing ought to be more than enough for a demon like him.]
Tell me, Silco. What is a lover to you if not a 'filler '? A distraction to fill the idle and hateful days of peace?
no subject
There was a doubt that Richard would return to the bath as requested. The urge to rise and stand grew, but he stamped it down for the moment.
He raised his eyebrow at the timeline of his activities laid out before him without an ounce of remorse for it. Jinx was his priority. He had made that clear on numerous occasions. Yet, he could see that whatever Jinx had conversed with Richard was weighing on the situation even if the examples were more about his actions than hers.]
And have I not also come to your side when you have called me? Have I neglected you when you have told me of your needs? [He liked to believe that he hadn't, that he made himself available and present when Richard needed him. Yet, a small portion caught his attention.] Do you wish to be first on my thoughts?
[He hummed at the question, and Richard was one of two people in Aldrip who he would allow to speak to him in such a manner. He lifted a foot from the bath water and watched the water drip from his heel.]
You are not filler. A lover is someone who I feel comfortable sharing my secrets, my bed, and my time with. [He gritted his teeth.] You are an excellent distraction, and you are about the only one to have me putting down my work consistently upon your arrival. Or I will put down my work to come spend time with.
[Look, that was a massive statement coming from someone who was a workaholic by nature.]
no subject
Aye, you have. [He does not rebuke nor deny Silco's words. The man had been there for him numerous times by now, standing by his side while also blowing the life back to the embers suffocating under the weight of the charred logs. The man had filled him with confidence and helped him to gain sight of the vision he once had. All acts that he was grateful for and what made him want to bind himself to the other man more.
Richard missed the time with Silco. The idea of them returning back to that was pleasant one. Something that he wanted. Except if it wasn't for...
Richard walked back to the tub, but instead of stepping back in the water he set himself to sit on the porcelain edge.]
A distraction, then. [He repeats, accepting the word. Honestly, to him it was just the same as the 'filler' as it formed similar meaning. No matter how 'pleasant' he and his company might be he will always serve as nothing but a distraction from something, a temptation. Like Jane and the other lovers had been to Edward. Fine, it's something Richard can work with. ]
Your daughter contacted me not too long ago. She told me she was planning on leaving you and asked me to 'take care of you.' [Something that he had denied to do. Oh, there is no doubt that Richard would stand by Silco's side when the man would spiral back into depths of despair once again. But he wouldn't do it for her.]
If you truly want us to share the closeness and the living spaces again then don't request it because of her. She disapproves of your lover and you disapprove hers and so does the wheel spin around and around. But that's a game I am not going to take part to, for I am not a pawn for either of you. If I am not a filler then don't make this about her.
no subject
He nodded his head slowly at the affirmation. There were very few people that he would drop everything for and Richard happened to be one of them. What they had, what they shared and especially Richard himself had become important to him, something worth personal attention especially when the need arose. And in turn, he found his own needs to be met.
He watched the younger man return, his hand lifting from the bath water to stroke his fingers lightly down Richard's back.] My distraction. [He would have gone on, waxed monologues of how Richard wasn't such a simple singular word, but the younger man took that moment to drop a bombshell on him.
He froze in the bath, his fingers jerking where they stroked Richard's skin, and it took every ounce of self-control to not rise from the bath. Tension stiffened his entire body and his eyes were fixed and staring as unpleasant thoughts rolled through him, fear and panic clawing its way up his throat.
Jinx leaving him? No, no, no that couldn't be right. He had made it clear she was to stay with him, that he needed her always. Certainly she had made overtures before, all of them he squished as soon as he became aware of them. She couldn't leave. She was his daughter, his last perfection of Zaun, the chaotic entity that was both headache and hazard.
Suddenly he sat forward in the bath, drawing his knees up so he could rest one elbow on one and stroke the left side of his face with his fingertips. His breathing was harsh to his own ears as thoughts and plans and strategies whirled through his mind, some discarded, some falling into place.] How long ago did she contact you? Was it in person or the network? If network, was it verbally or through text?
[The nuance could be missing if it was text. No, Jinx had developed the similar habit from him about monologues and no doubt there was some theatrics in whatever she said to Richard. He could fix this. He would fix this. He simply needed more information.
In his suddenly shifted attention, he made a noise to acknowledge Richard's comment, ignoring the whole disapproval part. That didn't matter, not now in such a critical time.] Please, I'm far too affectionate with you for any of this to be a game for me. You and I are basically life partners. [He waved off the insinuation of filler with a hand.]
no subject
But he was not about to allow that to them, not with his last comment about the exchange he and Jinx had. Then again, he figured that it would do best to rip the band-aid off now. They might hold both fondness and devotion to some degree towards one another, and they were both committed to seeing this affair through. But it didn't mean that there weren't thorns scattered around their path - and Richard needed to see whether the other man's daughter was one of them.
So, he watched as the obvious panic grows to Silco's posture, pushing through the surface. He allowed the man to have his moment and fight for control over again before answering to his inquiries.] It was over the network. [Which was perhaps pretty obvious.
And he was just about to push the topic and challenge Silco further, but then it was his lover's turn to drop a bomb on him. ´You and I are basically life partners.´ The words, that seemingly slipped ever so carefully from the older man's tongue as if they were given, felt like a punch straight to his gut. All of the sudden he felt almost lightheaded as the color briefly left his body before shooting right up to his face. His cheeks turned dark crimson, framing his nearly bewildered eyes.
Richard opens his mouth to say something, but the words fails him -- staying stuck to his throat and choking him. Swallowing air, he takes a deep breath and sits up from the edge of tub. However, instead of leaving he lifts his right leg over the porcelain and steps back into the water. But this time he remains facing Silco as he settles back on the tub, placing cheek against the older man's collar bone.]
So, you would ask me even if it wasn't for her?
no subject
However, Jinx leaving remained an unacceptable prospect, and if he wasn't still in the bath water, he would immediately contact his daughter to confirm the facts. He also needed to find and read that network interaction to gauge her seriousness, assuming that it was public all the way through. It would give him a good sense of how the conversation had gone.
Silco shifted in the bath when Richard straightened and turned, finally returning to the water. He was forced out of his rapid thoughts, experiencing a flare of annoyance that his lover had decided to pull him from his reverie when he was so close to formulating an idea of his timeline. He nearly snapped.
Instead, he said nothing as his eyes found the flushed redness of Richard's face dramatic. Slowly, he lowered his legs again as his lover slid into the bath water with him again, and he parted the circle of his arms to admit Richard to settle back against him. One hand lifted a card through the younger man's lengthened hair, momentarily confused by the softened reaction when things had appeared to be heating up between them.
He shifted, forcing himself to relax even if his energy remained high, causing tension across his frame. However, he did lift one leg to curl it over Richard's.]
Of course. If the prospect of us being seen as closer than 'roommates' or however the Chosen may see the move bothers you, we can remain separate. The choice remains yours. It was an offer, nothing more, nothing less.
no subject
It seem that both of them had just dropped a revelation on one another. Richard with his mention of Jinx, Silco with his insight about the state of their relationship. Both done with carelessness and calculation.
His chest continued to ache. A dull and old injury was being poked and prodded, as if to see how much could the fragile fabric take before tearing open again. His heart was beating loudly like it was trying to escape from its confided cage. But Richard kept his panic at arms length, not giving it a chance to rise to the surface. Instead he focused on the arms around his body, the fingers in his hair and the breath tickling his ear. The small things that kept him grounded in the moment and preventing his mind wandering off to the woods.
Strangely enough, Richard hadn't even taken others into consideration here. In fact, he had nearly forgotten that others existed until Silco had brought the outside world up. And yes, it did feel like the familiar stone pressing his mind once again. But perhaps for the first time it didn't seem like unmoveable obstacle. Just another thorn that he could cut down -- together with Silco.
He stays there, allowing them to indulge in the moment before bursting their bubble once again. Despite the stormy and rough relationship that he shared with Jinx, Richard had always tried not to get between the father and daughter. To him such bond was precious and he did want to disturb it. But there was an elephant in the room that they needed to address if he truly was to consider Silco's offer.]
Then you must choose. [He says after a brief pause of silence. His voice is soft and quiet, words spoken against Silco's chest.] If you wish us to be partners.. And for me to give the half of me to you so that we might stand as equals, as monsters together. Then you must choose which one do you wish to see sit on the seat of the power next to you. Me or Jinx.
[There had not been any reason for them to play pretend that they were not both after power and control. They had already admitted as much to each other in the past. They could make the play for it together -- just like he and Buckingham once had -- but that was only possible if there were two of them. As long as Jinx was involved they were doomed to clash and burn each other to the ground.]
I would share this world with you. But not with her.
no subject
Of course, Richard had challenged him now and again when it came to Jinx, about his life goals of if she refused his legacy, of if she decided a path well away from the circle of his schemes. He'd considered it, but not entirely seriously. After all, Jinx would see reason, so his way was the best for her.
His blue eye slowly opened again when he heard the start of the ultimatum from his lover, and he stifled the urge to rebut immediately that there was no choice. He had given up the current dream of Zaun for his daughter; did Richard dream in any world that he would give up Jinx for anyone? Surely not.
Partners? It was jarring, and yet his mind returned to the topics before Richard re-entered the bath water. Basically life partners... He winced slightly as he recalled his own distracted dismissive words; that had been strategically careless of him. He may not have flagrantly said such words under different circumstances, but they were now out in the world and resulting in an ultimatum.
More than that, it was resulting in a commitment that neither he nor Richard had discussed in any measure of seriousness before. The idea of them being equals was a silent war on his behalf, assured on certain occasion despite the disparity in their apparently station. Silco had always been sensitive, overreacting to the insinuation he was less than, and even now, it was a sore subject he nursed each day.
He shifted under Richard's weight, seemingly trapped in the bathtub now, forced to endure the whiplash of one paramount panic with his daughter to considering the ultimatum laid at his feet by Richard.
It plucked at a truth he knew but wasn't normally willing to entertain. Jinx had no interest in power; her play for it with the Inx club was paltry and uncoordinated and she'd seemingly lost interest in it as he knew she would. Meanwhile Richard was slowly and meticulously gathered power as he would have, more aligned with his own schemes. It had been clear that their ambition would come into conflict eventually, and he had been planning for that inevitability.
Yet, uniting them? It would avoid conflict, but it may require the kind of trust that had landed him with half of his face rotting off and nearly losing his eye. He twitched with the memory, fingers tightening in Richard's hair as he breathed from his nose harshly.]
Are you asking me to choose you over my daughter? [His tone was cold and cutting, yet he didn't try to move under Richard. It meant he was thinking about it.] You will share this place with her regardless of our association, Richard. She is a part of it, and she will also always be a strong part of my life.
[He leaned his head back against the tiled wall.] Unless this ultimatum is... just us. We knitting our lives together into formality and shared ambition.
no subject
His ultimatum might have been a bit too much, Richard realizes. Especially since it was followed after the words about Jinx's plans for departure, which alone should be enough to send the man spiraling in the despair. But at the same time, Richard did not care to give his lover any more reprieve. Silco had indeed put the words out there, making them hang upon their neck. And he wasn't about to let them go ignored, no. He'd force the other man to claim them.
When he noticed Silco leaning his head back against the tile wall Richard moved. He pushed himself up to sit on his knees and reached out to grab his lovers face from both sides, forcing an eye contact.] She will always be your daughter. I am not taking that away from you. ['Like a daughter like a father ', Richard thinks to himself. Both assuming that it is either all or nothing and that he is trying to destroy what they share. While it was in fact Silco's role and performance as a father that had first earned him respect in Richard's mind. He would not disturb that bond.]
But it is like you've said. Your daughter has changed and she is no longer parading around as a future leader, no. It seems like her passions lead her elsewhere. However, it might not be too late. You can still gamble and chase that dream you had with her of your empire of dust. She might not be out of your reach just yet. I will be mere a 'distraction' in your life. If that's what your heart desires.
Or you will place your wager on me. I'll be your partner who will carry the weight of our shared ambition together with you. Someone to share your victories and troubles with, a sword and an ally. An equal, not a distraction.
no subject
No, you will not. [He would sooner burn everything that they had and were to the ground than actually lose Jinx. In an ultimatum like that, Richard would lose. There was no question in his mind, and even if Jinx eventually did abandon him, he would fight tooth and nail to retrieve her. It would be his entire focus.
But that wasn't the ultimatum. He remained tense as he listened to the proposition, fingers tightened under the water into a fist. She was flitted off for that boy, but also, she was flighty and skittish. Since she had returned, she seemed on the verge of slipping away as if he or anyone else wouldn't notice her absence. Inx had fallen by the wayside, and regardless of her touting herself as the Queen of Zaun, Silco knew the truth. It was a moniker, a title with no weight, least of all here. Jinx's actions could change the course of the entire city, yet it was wild and free, random and chaotic, action and reaction. It took a strong hand to build within it, to use the stirred up mess to the advantage of them and their people.
He stared at Richard, lifting his hand from the the younger man's hip so that he could use a finger to push back the ruff of bangs and tuck it behind Richard's ear. Then his hand dropped so he could wrap his fingers around that burn scarred arm, sliding his hand down the mottled smooth and roughened flesh. Their heterochromia and scars had attracted them to one another, but it had been something deeper too. Richard was ambitious, intelligent and strategic. Richard was a threat in a similar way that Silco was a threat.
They could achieve considerable together. They could elevate and harm each other in equal terrible depths. It frightened him because he had been there before, the rebirth at the Pilt, and he considered himself smarter and on the look out for such dangers again. The isolation had kept him separate for many years, trusting a select few. Yet Richard had slipped in beyond his guard, settled in a spot that had been vacant for all those years, and as much as he would like to deny it, he knew.
Life partners. Ambitious partners. This was not where he had intended this lounging in the bath to travel. Yet here they were on the cusp of an ultimatum, and he was not so easily lulled into the sweetness of Richard's words. No, he looked at it shrewdly while trying - and failing - to not examine his own fear and anger and desires and care for the younger man.
His jaw worked under Richard's hands, eyes studying the younger man even as his fingers stroked their way back up his lover's scarred arm.]
You understand what you are offering, don't you? That we will be united in all things: our lives, our emotions, our ambition. This is a path we cannot and will not deviate from each other unless it is in betrayal and death. You will be mine, and I will be yours. Is that what you want?
[Why was his heart beating so quickly? Why was a flush rising in his face? Why was there a lump in his throat?]
no subject
The resistance was, of course, to be expected. Silco had never reacted well when he subjugated like this, no matter how casual or subtle the gesture was. So, Richard watched as the struggle of emotions to dance on his lovers features as he schooled down his initial aggression. His own expression adamant and intense as the water drops dripped down along his dark hair on his lover's face.
He could feel the other man's pulse quicken under his fingers as Silco picks apart the ultimatum, dissecting the meaning behind the words that Richard had laid between them.] A pact that is more severe and deeper than one of a marriage. Bond built upon our shared goal and unholy desires.
[It was not the first time that Richard had entered into such relationship. Except, this time it was him initiating it and drawing it out of his partner. Not the other way around.] Do you desire this, Silco? Do you desire me. If so, speak your mind. There will not be second time.
no subject
However, this was deeply personal. The intensity of Richard's gaze boring into his own made it clear that this was a precipice that both of them were standing upon. The slow drip, drip of water on his face punctuated the severity of the pact that Richard had placed in front of him where the final decision seemed to rest with him. Richard was all-in, was he?
Silco had never believed much in marriage. It happened but most in Zaun couldn't afford it. Pacts and monogamy were the closest that partners entered into. He stared at his lover's mismatched eyes, studying Richard's expression.] And you can't enter into marriage as you are already engaged in one from back home. [No wonder they had to create something new, something potent.
He took his time mulling it over, considering the implications, the impacts. Their relationship would not be exposed, oh no, if anything, it would remain with Jinx and her alone. Depending on the moves that they made, they could be accused of business associates. He considered how Jinx and Richard would respond to each other and even what he wanted.
His fingers nudged back more of Richard's hair so it stopped dripping on his face. He tucked it lightly behind his partner's ear, still pondering. He would not be rushed into this decision.] I desire you. I would kill for you, and you are one of the few that I offer such an action personally. [Jinx being the only other.] I will accept your ultimatum, Richard, and all the risks and profits that will come from it.
[Uncharacteristically, he surged forward to lock their lips together hard, his fingers sliding into Richard's hair to grip the locks and hold his lover's head still. He bit the other man's lip hard enough to bleed, sealing their pact in blood.]
no subject
But then there had been Buckingham. The first person to ever see who he truly was and accepted him. The younger man had held him and showed him a whole new world, binding their bodies and fates together. What he and his kingmaker shared... It did resemble love. Or so Richard thought. But whether it was real or just a foolish dream? He did not know.
And now he was here with Silco. The man who had, just like his young kingmaker, seen who he was with that brilliant eye of his and recognized him as kin of sorts. And now they were about to begin a new chapter together, sharing their bodies and ambitions together. Now, was it love that surrounded them and made them to take this step together? Again, Richard didn't know for sure. Back in church he had came to conclusion that Silco would never harbor such sentiment towards him. But now? He wasn't so sure. Not that it mattered.
'I desire you.' Those words pierced through his skin, forcing through his ribcage and muscles, spreading to his veins and mixing into his blood and filling him up with warmth. Even if it's not love -- it sure did remind him of one.
He does not hold back when Silco craned his neck up to capture his lips with his own. Instead he leans forward down to meet his lover -- no, his partner in the kiss. He sighed deeply when he felt the teeth sink in the soft flesh of his lower lip and draws blood. Richard parted his lips further and forced his tongue past those jagged teeth, diving deep inside Silco's mouth to make sure that the older man would be able to taste his blood.
Then, after a quick moment, he pulls away just enough that he could utter the words against the man's lips.]
In that dream I saw you on the bridge holding a flame in your hands. I've seen your hot white anger to pierce another man like the blade itself. I have seen your sorrow and pain. [The smooth fingers run along the blackened, scarred skin.] And I have seen your care and affection. I accept and want all the parts of you, Silco. Even those that you do not know or see for yourself.
no subject
Yet, he had. History had repeated itself on its tilted axis. It always did.
The multiples of betrayals layered over each other, building up to the man that he was now. From his parents to the orphanage to the gang to the mines to Vander to the Chem-Barons to Jinx. He had needed all of them to rise and fall in equal parts, and now he was back on the same path that he swore off of. The desire for connection and understanding was not one that he could kick as easily as he liked to believe, and the previous deep lonely anger had choked him until he spat it up and now... Richard slotted into that deep black empty hole and filled it.
And Silco allowed it. He shouldn't. He knew how this would end, but he was willing to overlook the inevitability.
The kiss was like a promise between them, a pact for the path that they had chosen to walk together. He tasted blood, let it coat his lips, let Richard's tongue beyond the threshold of his lips and a soft sighing moan escaped him in response. It was done; the deal was struck, the commitment made. Betrayal was down the line for them, but perhaps they could stave it off for a bit of time.
He kissed Richard's lips between sentences, just a peck, just a small interruption that did not disrupt the monologue. He appreciated the stroking of his ego, feeling seen and heard and accepted even momentarily.]
I see you, Richard. I will elevate you, support you and let no one bring you down. [The corner of his lip twitched upwards.] Your enemies will be my enemies. Your goals will be mine. This place will be our kingdom.