[While Richard did seem calmer, he noted the obvious expression of distress on the younger man's face and considered leaving the story there. He expected that whatever he had to say next may be the most triggering part for Richard who seemed to suffer similar internal struggles when pushed in certain directions. He was aware that Richard had an interesting family with the way the younger man praised the father and described his two brothers and now he had insight to Richard's mother.
His words trailed off as his hand was moved and placed against his lover's cheek, stretching his fingers so that Richard could nuzzle his palm. He blinked in mild surprise at the words. People respected him because they feared him for the most part. He was used to be questioned or disparaged for how he treated his daughter, the lengths he would go to and the opportunities he would provide for her despite her own behaviour making her difficult at times.] No, I don't think so. My path has always led me to exist and thrive in darkness. My daughter is the one person that perhaps showed some light to me, but we also exist in darkness together.
[His fingers curled to caress the side of Richard's face where the younger man was nuzzling him. He didn't try to remove his hand from that grip, closing his blue eye as he recalled the sharp details of that tea party.]
Her sister has a habit ramming through all situations and making them worse. She tried to push my daughter to remembering painful past memories, to remember being a person who had to be put to rest for Jinx to exist. Those memories and all the monsters that come with them sent Jinx into a confused tormented episode. I tried to stop it, but tied up... I was limited, but previous fortuitous events put a weapon close to me. So I tried to silence that ignorant stupid girl, but... Jinx when she is in such a state is very reactive. [He paused to sigh again as this part was hazy when everything happened so fast. If only he hadn't missed that shot...] In the act of defending Jinx, she simply reacted as I assume she thought she was in danger and turned her weapon on me...
[He shook his head, leaning his head closer to Richard's for a moment. He remembered that pain, the struggle to breathe, the shock of realizing he was going to die with his empire at his feet with no way to salvage. Dying the in darkness where he deserved he supposed.] And then I ended up here....
[Richard has never feared a man. A mere human could not hold a light to a candle that were the demons accompanying his every waking moment. As long as it was made of flesh and bone, Richard knew he could cut through it. There was no reason for him to be afraid of such thorns. No, Richard's respect, as rare it was, stemmed from the admiration and love. And Silco held at least one of those qualities currently.
The skin of Silco's palm feels nice and rough against Richard's softness of cheek. He slid his own much smaller hand on top of Silco's, holding the touch close as he listened the rest of the story.
The other man was right to assume that there would be bits and pieces that did resonate with Richard. He knew very well what it was like to be lost on that fog. Scrambling through the thick forest with no light to guide his way, grasping on the smallest sliver of hope while also seeing shadows of dangers at every turn. The only way out of that nightmare was ice cold death, destroying part themselves with it. For Richard it had been Henry. For Jinx. Apparently Silco.
He could understand.]
I.. look nothing like my father or brothers. [He says softly after Silco finishes his story.] They were all big and strong. Fair hair, muscles of steel and handsome faces. Like the valiant heroes from the stories of the past. [They were beautiful, beings of like. Unlike him. And Silco. Richard slowly opens his eyes and looks up to Silco again -- the initial distress now mellowed down.] And yet, the bond we shared was stronger than with anyone else, the most special. He was my light. And I see the same between you and your daughter. [A hint of admiration raises to his voice as he says the last sentence. He has no doubt that Silco is the light to Jinx and vice versa. Now how did this revelation affect to how Richard felt about the duo? Despite this new born sympathy towards the girl he still couldn't claim to like her, not with her antics and harassment. And he wasn't convinced that she wasn't yet another thorn on Silco's side.]
You are here now. And still support her. I find that respectable.
Edited (What an embarrassing typo) 2024-09-28 19:46 (UTC)
[Over the course of their interactions, he had noticed similarities between Richard and Jinx when it came to their mental torments. Perhaps that was one of the reasons he had first taken notice aside from the scarring, though Richard had a silent control of his afflictions until the younger man went berserk such as with the communicator.
A part of him wondered if Richard had lost control and killed someone close, or if that control had been maintained and only lashed out during war and battles. He hadn't asked and now didn't seem like the appropriate time to do so. They had finally reached a calm and a compromise of secret exchange to build their situation upon.
And perhaps for others and Richard himself, such a declaration would be upsetting and suspicious. For Silco, family was less about blood and more about association and ties that bound. Adoption was very common given the high mortality rate in the Undercity.] And you do not find your own appearance to their level then? Dark haired, lithe and athletic with a moody air about you? I expect you still strike a handsome pose when leading your troops to war against your family's enemies. [He shrugged and curled his fingers against Richard's cheek.] I prefer your look compared to what you described from your other family members.
[He nodded his head at the mention of light, slowly formulating what it meant given the often references to it. He found it clear that the younger man had a special bond with his late father.] Where I am from family is what you make of it, not the blood that runs in your veins. Adults die in the mines or other means, leaving their children to find their own way. People make family together, as I did with Jinx. It's the bond that's important, isn't it?
[He hummed, nodding his head. Whether it was respected or not, he could continue to support his only child for as long as she needed him to. He did it for him too, of course, finding and being possessive over the family unit that he had made with her.]
You support your own son in such a way? Or is he simply the heir for namesake and little more than that?
[He moved to grab the other towel for himself, draping it over one shoulder as until he could claim his hand back. He was not in that much of a hurry to do so, liking the feel of Richard's warm smooth skin under his fingers.]
[The corners of his lips slowly curl up, imitating a smile but never quite reaching it. He supposes that only a man like Silco could say something like that. But that was because they were the same, the lurkers of darkness. Richard supposes that getting too close to from light would be too blinding for them.] Handsome and inspiring, yes. Until you look closer and see the demon horns.
[There is a hint of defeatism in that admittance. Richard closed his eyes, pressing his face against the warmth of Silco's palm, enjoying from the simple affection. It wasn't in his intention to make the moment about him. Silco had just revealed a hurtful scar of his past. So Richard had decided to do the same. Both of them again sharing yet another raw and vulnerable moment together. Like during the night they had found each other for the first time.
Richard doesn't try to stop Silco from moving away, allowing the hand slip away from his own. He grabs the edges of the towel and pulls is more securely around himself.]
Once he is old enough, yes. If he'll have me. [The jury was still admittedly out on that matter. Richard barely knew the small child living in his castle and carrying his name and legacy. A heavily necessary part of his plans and ambitions, yet there was no connection between them. Or so Richard wanted to believe. The distant memory of the small body crying in the darkness, looking for comfort from him instead of Anne.] In any case, I believe he will grow up to be a fine man.
Hmm, no that's not it. Horns or no, you're still beautiful. [He had once gone for those larger and wider than himself, people who could offer a manner of protection with their physicality. These days he paid people to fit that role and had no use for them as a manner of attraction. Richard might not believe his candor, but it was truth. Richard was opposite to what he was normally attracted to, and he expected that was why they were making it work. There was a beauty and a grace he hadn't seen in others; maybe it was that royal blood or something.
He grabbed the towel and quickly dried off his short hair before wrapping the towel around his waist. Soon enough, he would have to dress and leave to spend time with his daughter, obligations he was yet unwilling to miss.
Until that time though, he stayed close to Richard in the bathroom.] Does he carry aspects of your appearance, or does he take many of his characteristics from his mother? [Silco had his suspicions about Richard's child, but they remained completely unvoiced. For him, it didn't matter. Being a parent was a duty not suited to everyone; he had believed it didn't suit him for a very long time.]
[This is not the first time when Silco had called him beautiful, directly or not. It had been that acceptance born from fearless curiosity towards the abnormalities of Richard's body that had caught his interest. There had been no judgement or disdain from the older man when Richard had revealed his body to him for the first time.
However, unlike the previous times, the words did not quite reach him. There is no hope blossoming in his chest, no shy warmth spreading to his cheeks or desire rekindling within him. Instead, there was almost a sad hum of acknowledgement from him, fingers curling around the soft edges of the towel. 'Beautiful with or without horns,' or so he says. Richard can't help but wonder what he would say if he truly saw his brothers, wrapped in golden light. Would Silco be mesmerized by their beauty or run away from their blinding light.
He's not entirely sure what he feels about the subject moving to his young son. But he supposed that it was normal for parents to talk about their children. But the boy was basically a stranger to him. Yet another person that he kept at arm's length]
He is like a spitting image of his mother. [He nods, stepping outside of the bathroom now that they're both dry.] He was born during the time of peace, so he has had more freedom than what me and my brothers did in our childhood. And so far it appears that his interests lie in different subjects as I did at his age.
[Silco was perceptive enough to know what that sort of reaction meant, and he knew that his lover internalized considerable self hatred and struggled to 'measure up' to what would be considered 'a real man'. That was fine; neither he nor Richard measured up to the typical socially accepted standards of revered manhood. Perhaps that was why their jagged pieces fit so well together thusfar.]
Don't do that, Richard. [He followed the younger man from the bathroom, reaching out to stroke his fingertips across the back of Richard's shoulders.] You are my lover, and my attraction to you is multifaceted, which does include your body exactly as it is. What other people think or even the idea of physical ideals is to chain you to misery. You are beautiful to me.
[Building Richard's confidence was one of his personal projects. He expected the younger man could thrive with a constant encouraging force that would not walk away or wane. They might even have all the time in the world to do it.]
So you have trouble bonding with him then? I was the same with Jinx when she first came into my life. [Miller was the only other person he could talk to about parenthood. He noticed Richard took very little interest in the responsibilities but perhaps that was his station. He wouldn't know.]
[ He feels the press of the fingertips on his shoulder through the fabric of the towel. Richard turns his head to side to look at Silco, hints of confusion on his face. 'Do what?' He almost asks, but before even a sound can leave from him he thinks he catches on the meaning. He's shutting off into the maze of his own mind again, closing the doors and windows around him. This isn't the first time Silco has called him out on this behavior, is it?
For a brief second Richard lets his eyes wander around the features of Silco's face. And for that short-lived moment he allows something raw and vulnerable to be reflected in his eyes as he tries to form his thoughts. He's never really been in a situation like this, not even with Buckingham. There was times when his kingmaker would look for answers to his silence, but never like this. So direct and perceptive. Was this what having a lover without any premeditated goals was like?
And just like always when Richard fell short of words, he submitted to silence. Suddenly the topic of parenthood seemed rather appealing.]
[This time, Silco didn't call out the silence. The look that Richard gave him was answer enough, knowing the younger man realized what was happening and maybe not correct it but not contest it either. Without further word, he stepped in to press his chest to Richard's back, sliding his arms around the younger man's waist so he could lace his own hands together.
As a point of accepting the silence and the vulnerability that came with the silence, he simply hooked his chin over Richard's shoulders and remained a close presence. Nothing more, nothing less. That was as far as that portion of the conversation had to go, but he remained willing if his lover wished to pursue further.
He considered for a long quiet moment the question, and then he simply shrugged his bare shoulders.]
Not back then. She was... a mess. I provided her a home, a family and all the protections she needed. My attachment to her came... later. Yes, I felt an initial draw, but I didn't fully embrace being her parent until months into it. At first, I expected her to run away. We... didn't have much in common, but I provided her the space to simply exist with me if she chose to. Then I provided opportunity to rise above all those who doubted her.
Once I found myself attached? I did fear her rejection. I was a monster and I had to do terrible things to get what I wanted. I did it, and I don't regret any of it. If she rejected me, well... it was never meant to be, was it?
[Taking a deep breath Richard allows himself to rest against the other man, the slender fingers curling around the larger ones as he indulges in the embrace. The arms around him felt strong and warm, wrapping him into a protective hold. When was last time he had something like this? He and Silco had shared plenty of intimate moments with each other, bodies clashing together in heated passion -- but never quite like this. Closeness without assumption of sex or anything else. Just comfort.
Closing his eyes, Richard listens to Silco's words and looking for similarities between their experiences. And oh, it appears that there are more common ground than what he had initially believed.
When Anne's pregnancy had become obvious Richard hadn't wasted a second to claim responsibility for it. It had been like a gift from above, saving him from lot of scrutiny and doubts towards his person. He needed an heir and Anne had offered him one on silver platter. Originally, he had planned the boy to be just that. A just another set piece in the theater he called life - no feelings, no attachments. But then again.. Being held like this and listening to Silco's talking about his daughter made him think back to that one silent night, where the small boy had sought comfort and love from him. As a child would from parent.]
You never told me... Why did you take her in to begin with? [Silco wasn't like him. He wasn't tied into the expectations of society, nor did he care for importance of blood. If he truly hadn't wished for a daughter, why not just leave the girl to die?]
[It was strange standing here like this, right? It wasn't a normal that he expected to have or actually initiate. It seemed to him that all those mental reminders were clearly paying off, and he had found himself growing more and more comfortable in these kinds of interactions. If he allowed himself to think about it, they both seemed to be growing rather comfortable together in such a way.
On the topic of parenthood, it wasn't particularly one that was with equal sharing. After all, Silco was very pleased and proud to be a father, which seemed so opposite to how he had been two decades ago. His city welcomed people that took in children, and they didn't dissuade those took advantage of child labour either.
His arms tightened around Richard's waist at the question.]
We shared a similar moment of violent abandonment by our first families. [For once, he didn't take the opportunity to over talk the matter.] Did you hold him when he was born? Your son?
[There is a small trepidation aching in Richard's chest at the mention of "abandonment." The tension flares up in his body, trapping the air in his lungs and making his throat feel painfully tight. And once again, he could not stop the howling wind rustling the leaves of dark woods. He could see the shadows of the trees raising again, reaching for them. There was no denying it... Richard felt sad. But for who?
Instead of addressing those thoughts he focuses on Silco's question. How... How had it gone again?]
Not.. Not right away. [He swallows around his words, thinking back to that moment.] I wasn't there when Anne went in labor. I was only allowed inside when it was over. That is common practice in my world among the nobles. But yes, I did hold him, then. [What kind of father wouldn't hold his newborn heir? It had been all an act. The small human being sleeping in his arms, all while he exchanged knowing looks with each other. They both accepted the child.]
Do you think it is weird? That this body of mine could produce something like that. A normal human being.
[He understood from select conversations that abandonment was a sore topic for the pair of them. Perhaps it was why he didn't elaborate in case it triggered his lover, and perhaps the moment itself couldn't be explained well in words without a considerable amount of very private backstory.
He nodded his head, accepting the explanation without judgement. He could claim to have held exactly zero babies in his life, and he wasn't looking for any opportunity to do so. His daughter had been fully functional when he had first held her there on the wet ground with the rain pouring on them. He had promised to protect her then.]
I doubt that's uncommon where I'm from either. It seems to me that men tend to get in the way for such events. [He credited Richard for holding the newborn at all. He expected they were small and fragile; it was probably some manner of sick joke or miracle he and Richard had survived infancy.
He regarded Richard, considering the question and shrugging.] No, it's not. Besides, being a father is more than impregnating a woman. [If Richard could produce children, then he expected that Richard couldn't carry a child. Just as well, as the younger man leaned more heavily on that male side. Who was he to judge for it?]
[The similarities between two of them kept increasing after each discussion, it seems. Though, strangely enough it stopped Richard to think just how little he knew of Silco and his past. The man spoke proudly of Zaun and his daughter, but only so rarely muttered a word about himself. Something Richard was guilty of as well. But unlike the other man, Richard didn't seek out the answers to the mysteries - preferring to focus on the present than in the past.
However, it would be a lie to say that his disregard for his lovers past wasn't colored at least somewhat by their class differences. No matter how much he admired and found the other man intriguing Silco still was a peasant compared to him. Hardships and tragedies were part of their lives, struggles engraved on their backs by the hard work and scarcity of the resources. And yet, Richard found his heart aching in solidarity at the thought of the abandonment that the man must've gone through.
Closing his eyes, Richard leaned his head against Silco's cheek - lulling into the embrace. He might be in the forest, but for now he could tell that he wasn't alone.
There's a small smile on his lips at the statement. As much as Richard valued bloodlines and such, he couldn't help but agree with Silco. The man was as true father to his daughter as Richard's had been to him.]
And yet. Impregnating a woman is the true measure of the man. [Something that Richard didn't know if he was capable of. And quite frankly? He was too terrified to find out the true limitations of this cursed body.
Swallowing air he remembered Silco's words from the earlier. My attraction to you is multifaceted. And that he liked him just as he was. But he still couldn't help but ask:] Which one you like, then? A man or woman?
[Betrayal stung. It was a fact of life that it shaped their lives regardless of where they came from or who they associated with. He didn't particularly want to bring up the reason for it or the person who had been so important that abandonment had stung and wounded him that deeply. He had mostly gotten over it by now, of course, but he understood the pain of that, especially when Jinx had come into his life.
He had ached for Vander to admit he was right. He had desired the other man to join him in taking it to Piltover together as they had discussed all those years ago. Instead, he had been left empty for both of those, and found a shivering crying child who had suffered a similar rejection that how could he not see himself in her?
His arms tightened as a little embrace from where they were fixed around his lover's waist, and he was staring off across the room as he felt Richard nestled further into his embrace. However, he snorted in amusement at the statement, rolling his eyes. It was true but also ridiculous.]
But should it be? If being a man comes down to a single climax into a woman, we should be rethinking our standards of maleness. [He had never sired a child, and he never had any intention of it, not even when he was young and could consider the value of a family. After all, his own background soured him to the notion; was his father truly a man for paying his mother for sex and happening to hit the mark? So illogical.
He lifted his chin a little from Richard's shoulder so he could turn his gaze on his lover. He supposed that question hadn't come out of the blue entirely, given the current topic of conversation.] I like both. I'm bisexual. [He tipped his temple to rest on Richard's again.] Hence why I say you are the best of both worlds. [A beat.] Do you have a preference between male and female?
[It was ridiculous, especially when put in words like that. But Richard had never really thought to challenge the thought before, just assuming it to be right as he went along with the currents of the world, acting the role he had been given in the society.] My brothers never did as much as scoff at my appearance, despite falling short on the standards of manhood. Nay, his Majesty believed that the measure of a man was not decided by the size of his muscles, but by the approval of women and strength of his seed.
[Something that he had found equally ridiculous at the time, believing himself that the manhood was proved by the strength of his blade. George, as usual, hadn't had much to say - escaping to his drink. Richard's stance on the matter hadn't changed. Man who didn't fight was no man at all.
Feeling the subtle shift in the body behind him, Richard slowly opened his eyes, peeking underneath his long lashes. There was that word again. "Bisexual". Richard had seen it thrown around the network. It had been also used by AI to describe him in that bizarre person catalogue. So, that's what it meant. And well, to be frank, it didn't surprise him the least that Silco was one to embrace sin and sodomy. But he had assumed that there was something specific he was looking for when laying with him.]
No. I.. I have never thought about it. [Which was true. Richard could find women beautiful and men handsome - but there had always been very little attraction on his part. The people he preferred were those who he could be himself with.]
[Silco audibly scoffed at the ideas of 'his betters' sitting upon a throne in some place no one reasonably cared about preaching about things that one might have the liberty to at the cost of everyone downhill from that position. Of course, he would have opinions, but he wisely decided not to voice them all that much at this point in time.] Well then, I suppose I fall very far below his standards. Fitting given I doubt his majesty would never give me a second look to start with.
[And that was just as well too. He was far better at stabbing the rich in the back or taking his own personal wars to them by any means necessary. He remained there still holding Richard, and he found himself wondering what Richard's version of manhood was. The younger man expressed others opinions after all, likely based around society's expectations.]
What do you consider a good measure of a man then?
[He hummed softly, not surprised that Richard hadn't considered a preference. He supposed when one spent that long hiding themselves away and going silent to having an overt opinion at times on top of a seemingly conservative repressed society, determining one's sexual preferences was high on the list of priorities.]
You seem the type to care less about one's sex and more about intellectual or someone that makes you feel comfortable. Am I at all close?
I am not too sure about that. As long as you have what he wants I could see him thinking of you favorably.
[That being women and wine, of course. As the owner of such establishment as The Last Drop, which worked as a nest of debauchery, he could see both of his brothers want to keep Silco close to them. But Richard had to admit to himself that he found the thought of Silco meeting his family amusing. The man would no doubt absolutely loath them, but would be smart enough not to show his claws - at least not until he had milked them dry. But then again, despite the fall from grace, neither of his brothers were that naive. It would be interesting to follow the three of them play around each other. Of course it would also put him in a hard place where loyalties go. But he has to admit that he misses such thrill.
There's a small pause as Richard thinks over Silco's question, trying to figure out his answer. There is, of course, a correct answer to be given here. A true man's worth is measured by his words, actions and strength of his soul -- how good and honest he is. But Richard didn't care for such things. It wasn't like he was one.]
...Such matters do not interest a demon like me. Whatever ever the true measure of a man or a woman is has nothing to do with me.
[His free hand moves to grab on Silco's wrist, the long fingers curling around it securely. It's just like the other man had said, such arbitrary standards set by society were nothing but chains. Something that he had once already set out to break when he had decided to grasp for the light.]
I suppose you are right. Are you worried about my attraction to you?
Is that so? Everyone has a price, and almost everyone can be bought. I expect your family would be much the same.
[There was always something to be tempted by, and if one didn't have the focus, they could lose themselves in that pull to whatever it was that each individual desired. It was generally base wants and needs. Perhaps he could put a King under his thumb eventually, though he doubted that would happen. However, it was foolish to think that one made it that high and didn't have methods to remain in power.
He snorted and pulled Richard back against him harder, turning his face to kiss the younger man's neck. That was the most avoidant answer he had heard in awhile, and yet, it was so totally Richard that he actually found it endearing on some level.]
Your evasion is endearing, as always. Though, I suppose it doesn't matter in the long wrong. Neither one of us measure up to society's standards, and that is better. We are who we are, and it provides us both an edge if people are so bound by foolishness.
[He gave up his wrist to Richard without a fight, though he did gently nudge them forward with his hips so they could move further into the house yet remained close to one another. Soon they would have to dress... or perhaps not.]
Not particularly. You've had plenty of opportunity to walk away to bask in far more physically attractive and younger people than I, and yet here you remain. I must be doing something right to hold your attention.
There is no soul that is above temptation. All you need to do is figure out what their poison is. [The meeting with Bishop of Ely had taught him that. Even the servant of God was weak to the bribe when the right dish was placed in front of him. And well, in this holy man's case it was body of a girlish man. And his brothers were easier to figure out than that. If Silco played his cards right he would no doubt have people like Edward and George securely in his pocket.
The brush of lips against his neck brings goosebumps to his skin, sending shivers briefly down his back. Richard turns his head to side to take a look at the man behind him, giving him a puzzled look. He's not entirely sure what of his behavior is so 'endearing' to the other man.
The implication that there'd be others who Richard would seek out for the intimacy makes him scoff. As if there would even be someone else who'd even want to touch someone like him. No. Only another monster that lives in darkness could truly accept him and his ugliness.]
You are letting your own feelings to cloud your judgement, Silco. [Well. If the man had made one thing clear it was that he was, for reason or another, attracted to Richard. While his lover was not necessarily the most beautiful or handsome out there, but he did not doubt that he couldn't find himself someone else to stand by his side. A real man or a woman.
His fingers caressed the bare skin on Silco's wrist idly, turning to look up at the light shining from the windows, piercing through the forest of his mind.]
It seems like we are being betrayed by the morning.
It is true. We all have our weaknesses. [Neither he nor Richard were immune to it as well, and he knew that both of them had to be on guard for malefactors who would make a play against one or both of them at some point. He had no doubt both of them were not above using such tactics on other Chosen and the natives here whenever it suited them.
He hummed, not certain that Richard's assessment was accurate. The younger man came from a heavily repressed society, or perhaps his was so intermixed with both different species but also people who could be whoever or whatever they wanted.] I don't believe so. You underestimate your attraction to others, I expect.
[He nodded his head, leaving his wrist to Richard's fingers.]
[Richard is not sure how much he would agree with that. There was not much in the world that would appeal to him enough to make him lose his focus anymore. His one true desire was the light, the overwhelming and ultimate power that came with it. And there was nothing he wouldn't sacrifice for his desire, not allowing himself to be led astray no more. He was not foolish to hope anymore.
Men were weak to the temptation, but what about demons?]
They might be fooled by exterior, yes. But once they see what is inside they will run and despair. [He had seen it happen enough of times. His body was one that not even a prostitute would want to touch.
The morning rays burned away the dark cloth of the night, bringing their bodies into the light. He has matters to attend, doesn't he. Just as Silco does. Time to put an end to the little world of theirs for now.
Letting go of Silco's wrist Richard reaches to touch his lovers face.]
As do you. [Then, despite not wanting it, Richard pulls himself free from the embrace and walks towards the bedroom.] Come. Let us dress. Your daughter must be waiting for your return.
[Perhaps no truer words had been spoken by his lover. He made a soft noise of agreement, reminded again what had brought them together in the first place. A curiosity of two terrible people in each other that others would not dare delving that deep with. Yet, this body with all of its uniqueness paired with Richard's hints of ambition and similar traumas were deeply attractive to him.
So much so that he curled his arms around the younger man one last time for a brief squeeze. No one could pull in a monster quite like another, it seemed. Perhaps even their goals might align someday and wouldn't that just be a treat?]
I won't. I see you, and it doesn't frighten or discourage me. [He slowly dropped his arms away again.] Of course, running has never been an activity I enjoy, and despair is something I actively avoid.
[He leaned into the touch to his face, enjoying the fleeting contact. Richard was now the only one he would allow to touch him like this. Would it become a weakness that he would pay for? Only time would tell.
He followed his lover to the bedroom where his folded clothing awaited.]
Of course. She will potentially need to have another go at me this morning. No matter, I will deal with it. [Because it was his responsibility, and he didn't shy from it.] We keep things as they are between us and myself with her. I'll come by tonight once I've concluded my business.
[Arms tightening around his slender frame feels good. There's something very comforting in being held like this, the strength of the other man wrapping him into a protective embrace - shielding him from the dark voices that would seek out to drag him into their world. There's a soft, warm feeling blooming in Richard's chest and he feels his mood improving.]
One of these days I shall give you a good run. [He says, hint of amusement sneaking into his voice. There's even a small ghost of a smile on his lips when he turns to look at Silco, hand caressing the injured side of his face.
When he finally steps away from the other man, Richard expects to be met with instant coldness now that there is no longer warmth of skin against his own. But surprisingly? He is just fine as he walks towards his room. It seems like that the terrors of the night have retreated for now. When he's at the door Richard turns to look over his shoulder, gaze landing on Silco who was only few steps behind him.
His lover. Maybe finally someone who he could truly place his trust on. Someone who will have his back on a upside-down world like this -- and who'll keep all the ghosts and demons away.
He extends his hand out, reaching out to pull Silco into the bedroom with him.]
Please don't. I try to run as little as possible. [He wasn't certain how serious to take the suggestion either, as he thought that Richard would wish to punish him with some form of exercise beyond their usual intimate activities.
He let Richard go, adjusting the towel around his waist as he pulled his thoughts away from the day stretching out ahead. It would be long, but he had something to look forward to aside from long-term planning of his eventual control of the city. He looked up and spied Richard's hand extended towards him.
Hmm, something to look forward to indeed.
He took that hand and didn't fight entering the bedroom. They had a day to maneuver through.]
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traumaticus) wrote2022-08-15 11:44 pm
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His words trailed off as his hand was moved and placed against his lover's cheek, stretching his fingers so that Richard could nuzzle his palm. He blinked in mild surprise at the words. People respected him because they feared him for the most part. He was used to be questioned or disparaged for how he treated his daughter, the lengths he would go to and the opportunities he would provide for her despite her own behaviour making her difficult at times.] No, I don't think so. My path has always led me to exist and thrive in darkness. My daughter is the one person that perhaps showed some light to me, but we also exist in darkness together.
[His fingers curled to caress the side of Richard's face where the younger man was nuzzling him. He didn't try to remove his hand from that grip, closing his blue eye as he recalled the sharp details of that tea party.]
Her sister has a habit ramming through all situations and making them worse. She tried to push my daughter to remembering painful past memories, to remember being a person who had to be put to rest for Jinx to exist. Those memories and all the monsters that come with them sent Jinx into a confused tormented episode. I tried to stop it, but tied up... I was limited, but previous fortuitous events put a weapon close to me. So I tried to silence that ignorant stupid girl, but... Jinx when she is in such a state is very reactive. [He paused to sigh again as this part was hazy when everything happened so fast. If only he hadn't missed that shot...] In the act of defending Jinx, she simply reacted as I assume she thought she was in danger and turned her weapon on me...
[He shook his head, leaning his head closer to Richard's for a moment. He remembered that pain, the struggle to breathe, the shock of realizing he was going to die with his empire at his feet with no way to salvage. Dying the in darkness where he deserved he supposed.] And then I ended up here....
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The skin of Silco's palm feels nice and rough against Richard's softness of cheek. He slid his own much smaller hand on top of Silco's, holding the touch close as he listened the rest of the story.
The other man was right to assume that there would be bits and pieces that did resonate with Richard. He knew very well what it was like to be lost on that fog. Scrambling through the thick forest with no light to guide his way, grasping on the smallest sliver of hope while also seeing shadows of dangers at every turn. The only way out of that nightmare was ice cold death, destroying part themselves with it. For Richard it had been Henry. For Jinx. Apparently Silco.
He could understand.]
I.. look nothing like my father or brothers. [He says softly after Silco finishes his story.] They were all big and strong. Fair hair, muscles of steel and handsome faces. Like the valiant heroes from the stories of the past. [They were beautiful, beings of like. Unlike him. And Silco. Richard slowly opens his eyes and looks up to Silco again -- the initial distress now mellowed down.] And yet, the bond we shared was stronger than with anyone else, the most special. He was my light. And I see the same between you and your daughter. [A hint of admiration raises to his voice as he says the last sentence. He has no doubt that Silco is the light to Jinx and vice versa. Now how did this revelation affect to how Richard felt about the duo? Despite this new born sympathy towards the girl he still couldn't claim to like her, not with her antics and harassment. And he wasn't convinced that she wasn't yet another thorn on Silco's side.]
You are here now. And still support her. I find that respectable.
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A part of him wondered if Richard had lost control and killed someone close, or if that control had been maintained and only lashed out during war and battles. He hadn't asked and now didn't seem like the appropriate time to do so. They had finally reached a calm and a compromise of secret exchange to build their situation upon.
And perhaps for others and Richard himself, such a declaration would be upsetting and suspicious. For Silco, family was less about blood and more about association and ties that bound. Adoption was very common given the high mortality rate in the Undercity.] And you do not find your own appearance to their level then? Dark haired, lithe and athletic with a moody air about you? I expect you still strike a handsome pose when leading your troops to war against your family's enemies. [He shrugged and curled his fingers against Richard's cheek.] I prefer your look compared to what you described from your other family members.
[He nodded his head at the mention of light, slowly formulating what it meant given the often references to it. He found it clear that the younger man had a special bond with his late father.] Where I am from family is what you make of it, not the blood that runs in your veins. Adults die in the mines or other means, leaving their children to find their own way. People make family together, as I did with Jinx. It's the bond that's important, isn't it?
[He hummed, nodding his head. Whether it was respected or not, he could continue to support his only child for as long as she needed him to. He did it for him too, of course, finding and being possessive over the family unit that he had made with her.]
You support your own son in such a way? Or is he simply the heir for namesake and little more than that?
[He moved to grab the other towel for himself, draping it over one shoulder as until he could claim his hand back. He was not in that much of a hurry to do so, liking the feel of Richard's warm smooth skin under his fingers.]
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[There is a hint of defeatism in that admittance. Richard closed his eyes, pressing his face against the warmth of Silco's palm, enjoying from the simple affection. It wasn't in his intention to make the moment about him. Silco had just revealed a hurtful scar of his past. So Richard had decided to do the same. Both of them again sharing yet another raw and vulnerable moment together. Like during the night they had found each other for the first time.
Richard doesn't try to stop Silco from moving away, allowing the hand slip away from his own. He grabs the edges of the towel and pulls is more securely around himself.]
Once he is old enough, yes. If he'll have me. [The jury was still admittedly out on that matter. Richard barely knew the small child living in his castle and carrying his name and legacy. A heavily necessary part of his plans and ambitions, yet there was no connection between them. Or so Richard wanted to believe. The distant memory of the small body crying in the darkness, looking for comfort from him instead of Anne.] In any case, I believe he will grow up to be a fine man.
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He grabbed the towel and quickly dried off his short hair before wrapping the towel around his waist. Soon enough, he would have to dress and leave to spend time with his daughter, obligations he was yet unwilling to miss.
Until that time though, he stayed close to Richard in the bathroom.] Does he carry aspects of your appearance, or does he take many of his characteristics from his mother? [Silco had his suspicions about Richard's child, but they remained completely unvoiced. For him, it didn't matter. Being a parent was a duty not suited to everyone; he had believed it didn't suit him for a very long time.]
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However, unlike the previous times, the words did not quite reach him. There is no hope blossoming in his chest, no shy warmth spreading to his cheeks or desire rekindling within him. Instead, there was almost a sad hum of acknowledgement from him, fingers curling around the soft edges of the towel. 'Beautiful with or without horns,' or so he says. Richard can't help but wonder what he would say if he truly saw his brothers, wrapped in golden light. Would Silco be mesmerized by their beauty or run away from their blinding light.
He's not entirely sure what he feels about the subject moving to his young son. But he supposed that it was normal for parents to talk about their children. But the boy was basically a stranger to him. Yet another person that he kept at arm's length]
He is like a spitting image of his mother. [He nods, stepping outside of the bathroom now that they're both dry.] He was born during the time of peace, so he has had more freedom than what me and my brothers did in our childhood. And so far it appears that his interests lie in different subjects as I did at his age.
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Don't do that, Richard. [He followed the younger man from the bathroom, reaching out to stroke his fingertips across the back of Richard's shoulders.] You are my lover, and my attraction to you is multifaceted, which does include your body exactly as it is. What other people think or even the idea of physical ideals is to chain you to misery. You are beautiful to me.
[Building Richard's confidence was one of his personal projects. He expected the younger man could thrive with a constant encouraging force that would not walk away or wane. They might even have all the time in the world to do it.]
So you have trouble bonding with him then? I was the same with Jinx when she first came into my life. [Miller was the only other person he could talk to about parenthood. He noticed Richard took very little interest in the responsibilities but perhaps that was his station. He wouldn't know.]
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For a brief second Richard lets his eyes wander around the features of Silco's face. And for that short-lived moment he allows something raw and vulnerable to be reflected in his eyes as he tries to form his thoughts. He's never really been in a situation like this, not even with Buckingham. There was times when his kingmaker would look for answers to his silence, but never like this. So direct and perceptive. Was this what having a lover without any premeditated goals was like?
And just like always when Richard fell short of words, he submitted to silence. Suddenly the topic of parenthood seemed rather appealing.]
..Did you ever fear of her rejecting you?
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As a point of accepting the silence and the vulnerability that came with the silence, he simply hooked his chin over Richard's shoulders and remained a close presence. Nothing more, nothing less. That was as far as that portion of the conversation had to go, but he remained willing if his lover wished to pursue further.
He considered for a long quiet moment the question, and then he simply shrugged his bare shoulders.]
Not back then. She was... a mess. I provided her a home, a family and all the protections she needed. My attachment to her came... later. Yes, I felt an initial draw, but I didn't fully embrace being her parent until months into it. At first, I expected her to run away. We... didn't have much in common, but I provided her the space to simply exist with me if she chose to. Then I provided opportunity to rise above all those who doubted her.
Once I found myself attached? I did fear her rejection. I was a monster and I had to do terrible things to get what I wanted. I did it, and I don't regret any of it. If she rejected me, well... it was never meant to be, was it?
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Closing his eyes, Richard listens to Silco's words and looking for similarities between their experiences. And oh, it appears that there are more common ground than what he had initially believed.
When Anne's pregnancy had become obvious Richard hadn't wasted a second to claim responsibility for it. It had been like a gift from above, saving him from lot of scrutiny and doubts towards his person. He needed an heir and Anne had offered him one on silver platter. Originally, he had planned the boy to be just that. A just another set piece in the theater he called life - no feelings, no attachments. But then again.. Being held like this and listening to Silco's talking about his daughter made him think back to that one silent night, where the small boy had sought comfort and love from him. As a child would from parent.]
You never told me... Why did you take her in to begin with? [Silco wasn't like him. He wasn't tied into the expectations of society, nor did he care for importance of blood. If he truly hadn't wished for a daughter, why not just leave the girl to die?]
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On the topic of parenthood, it wasn't particularly one that was with equal sharing. After all, Silco was very pleased and proud to be a father, which seemed so opposite to how he had been two decades ago. His city welcomed people that took in children, and they didn't dissuade those took advantage of child labour either.
His arms tightened around Richard's waist at the question.]
We shared a similar moment of violent abandonment by our first families. [For once, he didn't take the opportunity to over talk the matter.] Did you hold him when he was born? Your son?
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Instead of addressing those thoughts he focuses on Silco's question. How... How had it gone again?]
Not.. Not right away. [He swallows around his words, thinking back to that moment.] I wasn't there when Anne went in labor. I was only allowed inside when it was over. That is common practice in my world among the nobles. But yes, I did hold him, then. [What kind of father wouldn't hold his newborn heir? It had been all an act. The small human being sleeping in his arms, all while he exchanged knowing looks with each other. They both accepted the child.]
Do you think it is weird? That this body of mine could produce something like that. A normal human being.
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He nodded his head, accepting the explanation without judgement. He could claim to have held exactly zero babies in his life, and he wasn't looking for any opportunity to do so. His daughter had been fully functional when he had first held her there on the wet ground with the rain pouring on them. He had promised to protect her then.]
I doubt that's uncommon where I'm from either. It seems to me that men tend to get in the way for such events. [He credited Richard for holding the newborn at all. He expected they were small and fragile; it was probably some manner of sick joke or miracle he and Richard had survived infancy.
He regarded Richard, considering the question and shrugging.] No, it's not. Besides, being a father is more than impregnating a woman. [If Richard could produce children, then he expected that Richard couldn't carry a child. Just as well, as the younger man leaned more heavily on that male side. Who was he to judge for it?]
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However, it would be a lie to say that his disregard for his lovers past wasn't colored at least somewhat by their class differences. No matter how much he admired and found the other man intriguing Silco still was a peasant compared to him. Hardships and tragedies were part of their lives, struggles engraved on their backs by the hard work and scarcity of the resources. And yet, Richard found his heart aching in solidarity at the thought of the abandonment that the man must've gone through.
Closing his eyes, Richard leaned his head against Silco's cheek - lulling into the embrace. He might be in the forest, but for now he could tell that he wasn't alone.
There's a small smile on his lips at the statement. As much as Richard valued bloodlines and such, he couldn't help but agree with Silco. The man was as true father to his daughter as Richard's had been to him.]
And yet. Impregnating a woman is the true measure of the man. [Something that Richard didn't know if he was capable of. And quite frankly? He was too terrified to find out the true limitations of this cursed body.
Swallowing air he remembered Silco's words from the earlier. My attraction to you is multifaceted. And that he liked him just as he was. But he still couldn't help but ask:] Which one you like, then? A man or woman?
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He had ached for Vander to admit he was right. He had desired the other man to join him in taking it to Piltover together as they had discussed all those years ago. Instead, he had been left empty for both of those, and found a shivering crying child who had suffered a similar rejection that how could he not see himself in her?
His arms tightened as a little embrace from where they were fixed around his lover's waist, and he was staring off across the room as he felt Richard nestled further into his embrace. However, he snorted in amusement at the statement, rolling his eyes. It was true but also ridiculous.]
But should it be? If being a man comes down to a single climax into a woman, we should be rethinking our standards of maleness. [He had never sired a child, and he never had any intention of it, not even when he was young and could consider the value of a family. After all, his own background soured him to the notion; was his father truly a man for paying his mother for sex and happening to hit the mark? So illogical.
He lifted his chin a little from Richard's shoulder so he could turn his gaze on his lover. He supposed that question hadn't come out of the blue entirely, given the current topic of conversation.] I like both. I'm bisexual. [He tipped his temple to rest on Richard's again.] Hence why I say you are the best of both worlds. [A beat.] Do you have a preference between male and female?
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[Something that he had found equally ridiculous at the time, believing himself that the manhood was proved by the strength of his blade. George, as usual, hadn't had much to say - escaping to his drink. Richard's stance on the matter hadn't changed. Man who didn't fight was no man at all.
Feeling the subtle shift in the body behind him, Richard slowly opened his eyes, peeking underneath his long lashes. There was that word again. "Bisexual". Richard had seen it thrown around the network. It had been also used by AI to describe him in that bizarre person catalogue. So, that's what it meant. And well, to be frank, it didn't surprise him the least that Silco was one to embrace sin and sodomy. But he had assumed that there was something specific he was looking for when laying with him.]
No. I.. I have never thought about it. [Which was true. Richard could find women beautiful and men handsome - but there had always been very little attraction on his part. The people he preferred were those who he could be himself with.]
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[And that was just as well too. He was far better at stabbing the rich in the back or taking his own personal wars to them by any means necessary. He remained there still holding Richard, and he found himself wondering what Richard's version of manhood was. The younger man expressed others opinions after all, likely based around society's expectations.]
What do you consider a good measure of a man then?
[He hummed softly, not surprised that Richard hadn't considered a preference. He supposed when one spent that long hiding themselves away and going silent to having an overt opinion at times on top of a seemingly conservative repressed society, determining one's sexual preferences was high on the list of priorities.]
You seem the type to care less about one's sex and more about intellectual or someone that makes you feel comfortable. Am I at all close?
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[That being women and wine, of course. As the owner of such establishment as The Last Drop, which worked as a nest of debauchery, he could see both of his brothers want to keep Silco close to them. But Richard had to admit to himself that he found the thought of Silco meeting his family amusing. The man would no doubt absolutely loath them, but would be smart enough not to show his claws - at least not until he had milked them dry. But then again, despite the fall from grace, neither of his brothers were that naive. It would be interesting to follow the three of them play around each other. Of course it would also put him in a hard place where loyalties go. But he has to admit that he misses such thrill.
There's a small pause as Richard thinks over Silco's question, trying to figure out his answer. There is, of course, a correct answer to be given here. A true man's worth is measured by his words, actions and strength of his soul -- how good and honest he is. But Richard didn't care for such things. It wasn't like he was one.]
...Such matters do not interest a demon like me. Whatever ever the true measure of a man or a woman is has nothing to do with me.
[His free hand moves to grab on Silco's wrist, the long fingers curling around it securely. It's just like the other man had said, such arbitrary standards set by society were nothing but chains. Something that he had once already set out to break when he had decided to grasp for the light.]
I suppose you are right. Are you worried about my attraction to you?
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[There was always something to be tempted by, and if one didn't have the focus, they could lose themselves in that pull to whatever it was that each individual desired. It was generally base wants and needs. Perhaps he could put a King under his thumb eventually, though he doubted that would happen. However, it was foolish to think that one made it that high and didn't have methods to remain in power.
He snorted and pulled Richard back against him harder, turning his face to kiss the younger man's neck. That was the most avoidant answer he had heard in awhile, and yet, it was so totally Richard that he actually found it endearing on some level.]
Your evasion is endearing, as always. Though, I suppose it doesn't matter in the long wrong. Neither one of us measure up to society's standards, and that is better. We are who we are, and it provides us both an edge if people are so bound by foolishness.
[He gave up his wrist to Richard without a fight, though he did gently nudge them forward with his hips so they could move further into the house yet remained close to one another. Soon they would have to dress... or perhaps not.]
Not particularly. You've had plenty of opportunity to walk away to bask in far more physically attractive and younger people than I, and yet here you remain. I must be doing something right to hold your attention.
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The brush of lips against his neck brings goosebumps to his skin, sending shivers briefly down his back. Richard turns his head to side to take a look at the man behind him, giving him a puzzled look. He's not entirely sure what of his behavior is so 'endearing' to the other man.
The implication that there'd be others who Richard would seek out for the intimacy makes him scoff. As if there would even be someone else who'd even want to touch someone like him. No. Only another monster that lives in darkness could truly accept him and his ugliness.]
You are letting your own feelings to cloud your judgement, Silco. [Well. If the man had made one thing clear it was that he was, for reason or another, attracted to Richard. While his lover was not necessarily the most beautiful or handsome out there, but he did not doubt that he couldn't find himself someone else to stand by his side. A real man or a woman.
His fingers caressed the bare skin on Silco's wrist idly, turning to look up at the light shining from the windows, piercing through the forest of his mind.]
It seems like we are being betrayed by the morning.
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He hummed, not certain that Richard's assessment was accurate. The younger man came from a heavily repressed society, or perhaps his was so intermixed with both different species but also people who could be whoever or whatever they wanted.] I don't believe so. You underestimate your attraction to others, I expect.
[He nodded his head, leaving his wrist to Richard's fingers.]
Indeed. No doubt you have matters to attend to.
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Men were weak to the temptation, but what about demons?]
They might be fooled by exterior, yes. But once they see what is inside they will run and despair. [He had seen it happen enough of times. His body was one that not even a prostitute would want to touch.
The morning rays burned away the dark cloth of the night, bringing their bodies into the light. He has matters to attend, doesn't he. Just as Silco does. Time to put an end to the little world of theirs for now.
Letting go of Silco's wrist Richard reaches to touch his lovers face.]
As do you. [Then, despite not wanting it, Richard pulls himself free from the embrace and walks towards the bedroom.] Come. Let us dress. Your daughter must be waiting for your return.
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So much so that he curled his arms around the younger man one last time for a brief squeeze. No one could pull in a monster quite like another, it seemed. Perhaps even their goals might align someday and wouldn't that just be a treat?]
I won't. I see you, and it doesn't frighten or discourage me. [He slowly dropped his arms away again.] Of course, running has never been an activity I enjoy, and despair is something I actively avoid.
[He leaned into the touch to his face, enjoying the fleeting contact. Richard was now the only one he would allow to touch him like this. Would it become a weakness that he would pay for? Only time would tell.
He followed his lover to the bedroom where his folded clothing awaited.]
Of course. She will potentially need to have another go at me this morning. No matter, I will deal with it. [Because it was his responsibility, and he didn't shy from it.] We keep things as they are between us and myself with her. I'll come by tonight once I've concluded my business.
[They both needed that.]
🎀?
One of these days I shall give you a good run. [He says, hint of amusement sneaking into his voice. There's even a small ghost of a smile on his lips when he turns to look at Silco, hand caressing the injured side of his face.
When he finally steps away from the other man, Richard expects to be met with instant coldness now that there is no longer warmth of skin against his own. But surprisingly? He is just fine as he walks towards his room. It seems like that the terrors of the night have retreated for now. When he's at the door Richard turns to look over his shoulder, gaze landing on Silco who was only few steps behind him.
His lover. Maybe finally someone who he could truly place his trust on. Someone who will have his back on a upside-down world like this -- and who'll keep all the ghosts and demons away.
He extends his hand out, reaching out to pull Silco into the bedroom with him.]
🎀
He let Richard go, adjusting the towel around his waist as he pulled his thoughts away from the day stretching out ahead. It would be long, but he had something to look forward to aside from long-term planning of his eventual control of the city. He looked up and spied Richard's hand extended towards him.
Hmm, something to look forward to indeed.
He took that hand and didn't fight entering the bedroom. They had a day to maneuver through.]